We’ve all said it. “I’m bored.” Whether it’s a boring job or a boring marriage, it’s something that almost everyone suffers from at one time or another.
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That phrase is actually a relatively new addition to the English language, probably not used until the mid-1800s. Before that, people expected a level of tedium, or monotony, in their day-to-day lives.
Today we are promised almost non-stop excitement through instant entertainment and access to fun activities. And when we unrealistically expect to feel amused 24/7, we consider boredom a negative thing.
What is boredom?
Boredom is an emotional or physical state that we experience when we suffer from a lack of mental stimulation, activities, or interest in what’s going on around you. It makes you feel listless and apathetic, which in turn, makes you feel like doing even less.
But why do people get bored?
We get bored for two main reasons. The first is an excess of stimulation in the world today. Our society leads us to believe that more is better. When we don’t feel energized by our marriages, we think something must be wrong.
The second is under-commitment, or not wholly giving ourselves over to what we say is important to us. We only give these things about 20% of the attention they deserve.
You know great marriages aren’t a 50-50 proposition. Giving 100% of ourselves to the relationship is necessary if we want our marriages to last a lifetime. If you have let a lack of a daily palpable excitement in your marriage convince you your marriage is doomed, then it probably will be.
How can boredom kill a marriage?
No one expects you to love everything about your spouse every single day. Marriage, like anything else in life, can’t be fun all the time. Relationships have ebbs and flows, and you will feel bored every now and then. Just be careful not to let it eat away at your relationship with your spouse.
Just being bored is not a sin. It is a disease of the soul. It’s a warning sign that something is wrong in your marriage that you need to face. It means your relationship is headed in the wrong direction.
If you are looking at your boring marriage and find that it doesn’t excite you anymore, look deep. You may find that you are the empty one, unable to find much joy in life. God gave us marriage to connect to another human being in a special way that we will never be able to with anyone else. It’s designed to fulfill us. It gives us someone to balance us out and a way to learn more about God’s love. When you lose that wonder, that’s when the marriage deteriorates.
If you have let yourself get bored with your marriage, you probably feel like nothing matters, and there’s nothing you can do to get yourself out of the boring rut you’ve slid into.
However, marriage is something special, even in monotony. So, look at the things you do every day in your marriage with a new mindset. Don’t think of them as commonplace, but instead view them as small parts of something amazing. Find joy in the little things you do every day as you care for and serve your spouse. That’s how God changes boring marriages.
Boredom and a Biblical Worldview
Have you ever heard someone say that if you are bored, you are a boring person? My mother always said, “Only boring people are bored.”
There is some truth to that statement. As an adult, with access to a least a little money and the world wide web to give you ideas of things to do, you are responsible for your own attitude.
It’s not the occasional boredom that is a problem, though. It’s when you never seem to be satisfied with your life and are always looking for something better. This excessive self-focus can slowly erode your marriage relationship until there’s nothing left to stand on.
One thing that Christians should never be is self-focused. God put us here to serve others, and that commandment to serve applies to your marriage as well.
What the Bible Says
…yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. James 4:14
You aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Neither is your spouse. Don’t spend your time just sitting around and wishing for a more adventurous and less boring marriage. Make it!
…making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:16
The word for time in the Greek text had the idea of a finite portion of time during which something should happen. We need to seize every moment to glorify God during these times where evil lurks everywhere. One way to do that is to create a marriage that is a reflection of Jesus’ love for the church.
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
Don’t let your guard down by focusing inwardly and lamenting this “boring life” you are living. Satan loves to get ahold of a mind that doesn’t focus on God and his blessings. He knows that a lack of motivation can lead to sinful attitudes and actions.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
You can choose not to live in despair and boredom. Create a new you through the regenerating power of the Holy Spirit and truly live!
What to do if your marriage is boring
If you have been married for a long time, doing the same things over and over again in the same way, you risk getting bored with your life. There are some mindsets to adopt and some actions to take to keep your marriage fresh.
Regenerating marriage mindsets
- Approach your boring marriage with a new passion and excitement. When you find yourself thinking how you feel stuck, in a rut, or just generally bored with your relationship, stop and remind yourself that your marriage is a gift. As you choose to serve your spouse, do it whole-heartedly and maybe in a new and unique way.
- Be present with your spouse whenever you are together. Don’t forget to be with them mentally as well as physically after work, at dinner, or when you are working on something as a team. When you are not being intentional about paying attention to what they are doing or saying, or the message their body language may be sending, these times will seem more mundane.
Boredom busting actions
Our brains are wired to react with pleasure when we encounter things that we have never experienced or seen before. Dopamine is released, and the feeling encourages us to seek out more novelty. Most of us can relate to the feeling we get when we unlock a new game level. It’s exciting, and we want to experience that feeling again.
Add some new experiences to your spouse’s world to break up the routine and enjoy the reward it brings to both you and your partner!
- Plan a surprise date. Make it something you’ve never done before, and pledge to do it once a month. If your spouse is willing, let them do one too. It doesn’t have to be expensive and wouldn’t even require you to leave the house!
- Play a new board game. Some good ones for two players that you may not have seen before could be Hive, Jaipur, or, if you can stand the weird relation to real life, the board game, Pandemic. There are also some romantic/sexy games out there like Talk, Flirt, Dare.
- Try a new kind of food together! Make it at home or go to a restaurant.
- Learn a new skill. You can attend a class together with other people, or check the internet for classes. Online cooking classes are trendy right now!
- Go to a drive-in movie theater, and see a movie you have never seen before. Drive-in movie theaters are becoming more and more common again during the Pandemic.
Be creative. Do some research online. With just a little effort, you can find a wide variety of things to do you’ve never done before.
Overcome a boring marriage by creating a mindset of wonder for the beautiful plan God has for marriage. Then take actions that will help you add shots of excitement, no matter how small that can keep the word boredom out of your vocabulary when you speak about your relationship. See if intentionally doing these things will change your marriage for the better.
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Is your marriage really struggling and you wonder if it’s even worth the effort to continue in a marriage that doesn’t seem to be working? Maybe you know that God’s will is for you to keep your relationship together except in the worst of situations, but you’re tired of the daily misery.
The truth is, no matter the condition of your marriage today, you can create one that is strong, healthy, and based on the Word of God.
At Marriage Confetti, we are committed to helping you build a marriage that will last a lifetime. We do this by understanding God’s word, creating a positive mindset, and creating new marriage habits.
It’s all about building a better future starting where you are today.
If you are interested in finding out what we have to offer, please take us for a test drive! We offer free, private 45-minute marriage breakthrough sessions where we give you a set of neutral eyes and ears to provide you with some perspective you may not see because of your proximity to the problem.
Just click on the link below, answer a few questions, so we can get to know a little about you, and we’ll schedule a time to chat online! No strings, nothing. We just want to help as many couples as possible move forward in their marriages.
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