4 Winning Mindsets that Will Restore Your Disconnected Marriage


A disconnected marriage is a difficult thing to face. Instead of feeling united, you feel distant and alone. You can change this situation by adjusting your mindset about marriage and digging into your relationship with God.

Instead of pondering just how miserable your marriage is, try adopting at least one for these four marriage mindsets that will focus your mind on a new perspective and improve your marriage as a result.

I have proper priorities in my marriage; God, my spouse, my kids, and everything else comes last.

I’m sure this is not new to you. You know it. You may even believe it, but do you live it?

How do you show that your spouse is the second biggest priority in your life? Well, you can’t do it without the most important priority, your time with God.

When you spend time with God by reading your Bible and talking to Him, you learn to live your life in a way that honors and imitates Christ. Apply everything you learn about how to live a godly life to your relationship with your spouse. If the Bible tells you how you should treat someone, be twice as intentional about doing that with the one you are married to. 

and think the same way that Christ Jesus thought: Philippians 2:5 CEV

Be honest with your spouse, and put their needs before your own. 

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices, Colossians 3:9 

Slow down and make time for your spouse. Jesus didn’t rush people away or try to do three things while they were talking with him. He made time for everyone, from the oldest to the youngest.

Slow down and pay attention to one another to fix your disconnected marriage.

You can do this by putting down your phone and having meaningful conversations. Schedule date nights. However, quality time together comes from spending quantity time. You can’t just ignore one another for three months and then go on a date night and expect to connect.

Cherish your spouse as a gift and a treasure. They will recognize the effort and feel more connected to you.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22 

I prefer spending time with my spouse because I feel closest to them!

Think about who you run to, call, or text first whenever something exciting happens in your life. 

The person who came to mind is probably the one you would consider your best friend. You love spending time with this person because they know everything about you, and despite all your quirks, they accept you.

Every area of your life is more enjoyable when you have a best friend to share it with.

How much better is life if that person is your spouse?

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

If you want to fix your disconnected marriage, act like best friends. Fake it till you make it if necessary!

fix a disconnected marriage with friendship

Talk about anything and everything with your spouse and be completely honest and transparent about your feelings. Be so close that you can often tell what the other is thinking.

If you have the choice to either go out with your friends or do something with your spouse, opt for your spouse every time. 

Be quick to forgive. We tend to be easier on our friends than we are on our spouses when they screw up. We all do it. Forgive and do your best not to let it interfere with your marriage. 

Stand by them through thick and thin and be their biggest cheerleader.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I believe that divorce is not an option.

We used to have a border collie mix. We adopted him when he was about 18 months old. He had been brought back to the shelter three times and was about to be put down, but he escaped that round since we had shown interest in him. (Honest. There is a point to this story) 

His name was Dodger, and he was aptly named because he was known to run away. He got away from us several times, too, sending our young son into absolute hysterics every time. We live right by a five-lane highway, so the chances of being run over were unmistakable. 

The point here is that we made sure that Dodger always had a strong chain when we put him outside. We didn’t have to ponder which chain to buy in the pet store. If it said heavy-duty chain for super large dogs with no sense of danger, it was the one we purchased. 

We had to make sure it was strong enough to stand up to everything Dodger could throw at it.

There was too much danger for us to take chances with a thin chain. The only option was the strong thick chain. We never even thought about buying a chain meant for toy-sized dogs. 

There should be other options for fixing a disconnected marriage besides divorce. Make your marriage strong enough to stand up to everything life will throw at it. Don’t connect to each other with a thin, flimsy cord that one of you can cut at the first sign of trouble. 

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:10 ESV

I believe my marriage can and will always be rewarding and enjoyable

Optimism comes from the Latin word “optimum” meaning best. People who are optimistic expect the best possible outcome from a situation. It’s about looking forward with a feeling that everything is going to work out, including your disconnected marriage.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 

Not everything in life is positive, and not everything will work out the way we want. When you were married, you pledged that you would stay with the other person for the rest of your life whether you were rich or poor, sick or healthy, and for better or worse.

But people who prioritize optimism in their marriages work hard to be upbeat and encouraged by the possibilities that can come from every issue. You will learn amazing things and grow as a person and a spouse through these lessons. 

Fix a disconnected marriage with optimism

A disconnected marriage is tough, but God can restore it. Start with an understanding of what marriage should be according to the Bible. Then eliminate negative thinking, replacing those thoughts with some of the mindsets in this article.

If you find yourself struggling with these new mindsets and you can’t turn your marriage around, send us a message in the box below. We’d love to share some strategies with you to change your marriage and life for the better.