Wouldn’t it be great if you could be completely confident in your marriage’s ability to last for a lifetime? How would you feel if you knew that your future together was secure no matter what life throws your way? Truth is, no marriage is guaranteed, but fashioning a Godly marriage, using the Word of God instead of the world’s beliefs to build your relationship, will drastically improve your odds.
A Godly marriage comes from understanding God’s design for your marriage, your relationship with Him, and the power to renew your mind that God gives you. Here are some tips that will help you design a marriage worth celebrating.
Keep Jesus is the center
A Godly marriage will have Jesus in the center of it. He helps make all decisions. He has the full commitment of both partners.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33
You can improve the connection between the two of you by spending time studying the Word together and praying together. Don’t neglect your personal relationship with God, either. It will teach you and strengthen you in ways that will build your marriage.
If you are the only Christian in the relationship, that’s not a get out of marriage free card. Jesus expects you to treat your spouse in a Christ-like manner.
Treat your marriage like a covenant
Marriage is not a contract; it’s a covenant.
People design contracts to last for a limited time. God designed the marriage covenant to live forever. So, barring severe covenant-breaking actions, divorce is not an option for those in a Christian marriage. A Godly marriage is not “’til something better comes along we part.”
Contracts include language where one person’s actions determined the actions of the other. It’s an “If…, then…,” conditional mindset. A covenant marriage under God is unconditional. God’s language describing marriage speaks of acting as one flesh and putting the other above yourself. It doesn’t matter what your spouse does, love and behave lovingly towards them. There are no “ifs” only “thens.”
Contracts are motivated by the desire to get something. A covenant marriage is inspired by is based on how you will serve your spouse and serve God together. It’s about serving not being served.
Prioritize your marriage
Put your marriage first in your life, second only to God. There are a lot of things that can overshadow your relationship with your spouse. Don’t let the busyness of life cause you to push your spouse aside.
Ask your spouse what it would look like to them if you were to prioritize your marriage. If you know what they want, then you can do it. When your spouse feels like your priority, they will treat you as one too.
Spend time together each day. In the middle of quarantine, you may think you already spend enough time together, but what has that time been like? The time you set aside for your spouse should be a time of reconnection and focusing on one another’s needs and wants. It doesn’t have to be every minute of every day you are together. It only takes a short time each day to see great results.
Follow God’s rules
God established a blueprint for a Godly marriage, with the man being the head of the household, the wife submitting to his leadership, and the two of them working together to raise children.
The Wife’s Role
Yes. The Bible says that women should submit to their husbands.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22
Notice, though, it doesn’t stop with the word husband. The verse goes on to say, “as to the Lord.”
How do you submit to Christ? You give yourself to him voluntarily as He gave Himself for you. You are not weak for submitting to Jesus, and you are not weak if you submit to your husband. It is just the opposite. So, ladies, you show strength of character when you are willing to let someone else have the final say.
The Husband’s Role
Now, what does the Bible tell the men? Ephesians 5:25-33 has a lot to say on that!
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Verse 23
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Verse 25
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. Verse 28
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, Verse 33
Husbands have a tremendous responsibility to God for how they treat their wives. God expects husbands to treat their wives in the same way Jesus treats us, His Church. Even to the point of dying for her.
Does Jesus treat those he died for poorly? Of course not. Jesus has what’s best for you in mind at all times. He’s not selfish or tyrannical.
There’s no room for treating someone offensively in a Christian marriage.
Don’t deny one another
A healthy sex life is a sign of a healthy marriage. God created it not only for procreation but also for pleasure. Yet many couples, even faith-centered ones, deal with issues surrounding it.
A typical marriage complaint about sex is when one spouse feels like they get shot down every time they ask. They end up feeling unattractive and unimportant. If this is a common point of contention in your marriage, it’s probably not just about the sex. There are other issues you need to address.
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5
The Bible never says we have to have sex every time our spouse wants to. When Paul said to those Christians who were married, that they shouldn’t deprive each other, it didn’t mean that each spouse always has to say yes when the other asks. But, do what you can to keep this part of your marriage a priority.
A fabulous physical connection helps protect your marriage from outside temptations. If you find yourself saying no, more than yes, evaluate what makes you feel that way
A faith-fueled marriage has a higher calling than other unions. We are called to make one another holy, and to work together as one to build the kingdom of God. Christian spouses should show the world how the love of God works simply by showing up and demonstrating Christ-like actions with each other.
Christian couples also need a purpose for their marriage. Setting goals for what you would like to accomplish together in your marriage, family, ministry, and future helps keep your eye on the prize. It makes your marriage more focused.
Honor the differences
Men and women are different. Shocker, right? But sometimes we forget that when we get frustrated with our spouses. It’s not just physical differences. It’s not only those surface differences like men being the fixers or women wanting to talk about feelings. There are actual, scientifically-proven differences in how each gender’s brains work.
The more you learn about how the opposite sex’s brain is different from yours, you will better understand why they do the things they do.
Act as one flesh
When you marry, you are no longer responsible only to yourself. You become as one flesh with this person. It’s not a smooth road to this oneness. The choices you make from here on out affect both of you.
‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:7-9
Treat your spouse like you would yourself. Most of us don’t hate ourselves (even though we may have down moments). So don’t treat your spouse in a cruel, off-handed way.
Love as God loves
God’s love for us goes over and above anything we could ever imagine in our wildest dreams. He is patient with us and doesn’t give us what we deserve every time we mess up. He put us first when He surrendered to death on the cross. It wasn’t about Him. It was all about us.
God’s love is sacrificial. Your love toward your spouse should be too.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
So, yes. Having a Godly marriage is hard, and nothing is guaranteed in this world, including successful marriages. You can’t just check these tips off a to-do list and, BOOM! Your marriage will last forever. But with a commitment to Christ and to making these tips part of your daily life, you can have a relationship that will make other couples jealous!
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