Proof that Staying Married Really is Best

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Do any of these sound like any of the thoughts running through your head?

“My spouse doesn’t show any emotion toward me.”

“My husband works an odd schedule, and there’s no family time. I’m starting to think I’d be better off alone.”

“Maybe love just isn’t enough and it’s time to make a tough choice.”

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, the grounds for marriage. Robert Anderson–author and economist

Instead of trying to decide whether to divorce or not, Try to figure out how to stay married. – Tracey

Marriage is tough, but too many people give up without giving it a chance. Numerous studies have shown that married people are generally happier, healthier and wealthier than those who are divorced. So instead of thinking about whether you should divorce, focus on what you can do to make your marriage last.

Related: Divorce is not an Option

Need a good reason to stay married, but can’t think of one right now? Get started on the road to a healthier marriage by picking one of these truths about staying together and focusing on it for at least a week. Some of these are super serious, and others are a little cheeky, but all of them are true for couples who choose to try to make their marriage work.

Staying married makes life easier to deal with

Life is not easy. That’s not an unexpected news flash for most of you. Because we live in a fallen world, there will be pain, sorrow, and situations that will tear us apart. We were created for relationships, both with God and with other people. Nobody wants to go through difficult situations alone. If you stay married, you automatically have someone to turn to in those bad times.

You have someone who gets you.

When you’ve been married for any length of time, you are well-known by your spouse. They’ve seen you at your best, at your worst, and everything in between. You don’t have to make excuses or explain your actions very often because they already understand what you need.

Having someone who gets you is a great reason to stay married.

Marriage gives you a teammate

Of course, you’ve heard the saying that Many hands make light work? Staying married gives you a sidekick, someone to share all those daily tasks with. Having two of you to take the kids to their activities, clean the house, take care of the yard, pay the bills, and cook dinner makes everyone’s load lighter.

Related: How to be Teammates in Marriage

Staying married keeps you mentally healthier

Data from the General Social Survey (GSS) collected between 2010 and 2018 show that married people are happier than their divorced peers. Those with children are even more unhappy after divorcing than before. Those who are married also have less of a chance of mental illness. 1

Married people are physically healthier

Numerous health benefits have been discovered in those who are married. Avoiding divorce could also help you avoid dementia, high blood pressure, stress, and give you a better shot at surviving cancer. People who stay married, especially men, live longer than those who are divorced or single. 2

You have a history with this person

Think back over your relationship. Go back to the beginning and go through what you have faced and accomplished together. Many of your most treasured memories involve your spouse in one way or another. Divorcing puts a cloud over those memories, even the good ones. Your history is what bonds you together forever. Try to stay married to keep those memories happy for everyone involved and improve satisfaction in life. 

You don’t want to waste all that time and effort

Seriously, how much time and effort have you put into your marriage? Do you want that to all be wasted time? 

Don't waste all the time you've put into your marriage. Stay married.

There’s comfort in familiarity

The devil you know is better than the one you don’t.

Your children have a good role model

I could go on forever about the benefits kids from intact families have that their friends from divorced parents don’t, but I’ll save that for another day. Staying together even when it’s not perfect shows your kids that mentally healthy people don’t give up when times are hard.

Related: This is What Happens When Divorce Hits Your Family

Single parenting sucks

Raising a family is hard. There’s just too much to do. When you are the only one responsible for doing it, it’s impossible to take a break because there is no one there to back you up. Staying married guarantees that there is another adult in the house who can at least keep them from climbing up the bookcase while you’re in the shower.

Humans love a good challenge

Human beings get a great sense of self-worth and create the best, most satisfying feeling when we fix a problem. So, consider staying together to be a challenge and find a way to do it.

You made a commitment

Another reason to stay together is, quite honestly, because you said you would. Keep your word. Be honorable.

Remember the commitment you made, and stay married.

Divorce is hard and expensive. 

Divorce doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s definitely not free. A divorce can cost between $15,000 and $30,000! Imagine what you could do with that money that might improve your marriage instead of tearing it apart.

People who had married and then divorced were worse off than any other group. After a divorce, the average man has only $8,500 in assets, while the average divorced woman had only $3,400. These figures are in stark contrast to a net worth of $43,000 for married couples. 3

We have a marriage course, workshops, retreats, and other resources that can help you put your marriage on a better track. 

Things in your marriage can get better 

It’s easy to be short-sighted when your marriage is struggling. It can seem like there is no way you will be able to work things out or ever be happy again. But the research shows that when people do decide to stick it out, despite the current unhappiness, two-thirds of couples will be happier in five years.

There’s no one better out there 

We’re all annoying, and the chances of finding someone out there who isn’t just as irritating as the person you married are slim. The grass isn’t greener.

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. Accept that your spouse is just like you, a human being trying their best with what they have in life. This mindset helps you to see your spouse as Jesus does and will reduce expectations to a manageable level.

Staying married lets you improve yourself

Be the bigger person. Make the changes you need to make to keep the marriage together regardless of what it seems like your spouse is doing.

Staying married gives you a chance to improve yourself.

Others have it worse

I generally don’t believe in comparing your marriage to anyone else’s relationship. Still, even if you don’t know them, there are definitely people out there who are in marriages that make yours look like a walk in the park. Be thankful for what you have.

It is possible to fall “in love” again

Being in love is a feeling that often gets pushed aside in the reality of everyday life and the commitments it involves. You can bring those feelings up to the surface again with some time and effort. When you choose to be “in love,” you use that framework for guiding your interactions with your spouse, those feelings can become fresh again.

But it takes work. You can’t just pray that God would help you feel the love without you taking any action to make it happen.

Your finances will be better

Married people have more money. A 2005 study at Ohio State University (OSU) showed that after getting married, people saw an increase in their wealth. After ten years of marriage, couples reported an average net worth of around $43,000, compared to $11,000 for people who had stayed single. 4

Staying married is God’s plan

God’s plan for marriage does not include divorce. When you were married, you became one flesh in God’s eyes. Divorcing and then remarrying is the same as committing adultery. 

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

–1 Corinthians 7:10-11

You could lose some good friends

Divorce often causes your shared friends to feel like they have to choose sides. You could end up losing some treasured relationships when you split up.

If you are facing trouble in your marriage and considering if you should divorce or not, I challenge you to focus more on reasons for staying together than for splitting up. There are many good reasons to remain married, and they indicate a better life for everyone involved, including your children. 

If you need help looking for the bright side in your marriage, we can help. We list our coaching packages on our services page. Fill out a brief form, and we can get on a call and discover if you can benefit from one of our coaching programs.

 

  1. David Williams, et al., “Marital Status and Psychiatric Disorders Among Blacks and Whites,” Journal of Health and Social Behavior 33, (1992): 140-157. As cited in G.T. Stanton, “Why Marriage Matters.” Available at http://www.ampartnership.org/resourcecenter/news/89-why-marriage-matters.html.
  2.  Charlotte Hilton Andersen. 2018. “10 Little-Known Ways Marriage Affects Your Health.” The Healthy. The Healthy. January 16, 2018. https://www.thehealthy.com/family/relationships/marriage-affects-health/.
  3.    Livingston, Amy. 2015. “Financial Benefits of Marriage vs. Being Single – What’s Better?” Moneycrashers.Com. November 24, 2015. https://www.moneycrashers.com/financial-benefits-marriage-single/.
  4.   Livingston, Amy. 2015. “Financial Benefits of Marriage vs. Being Single – What’s Better?” Moneycrashers.Com. November 24, 2015. https://www.moneycrashers.com/financial-benefits-marriage-single/.
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