Do you ever wonder who that person is that just walked through your kitchen? Then you realize it’s your spouse. You haven’t really noticed them in a long time and didn’t recognize them? That may be a bit extreme, but if you are feeling disconnected from your spouse today, we can fix that.
How busy would you say you are on a scale of one to 10? What do you do if you are too busy and have no time to reconnect with your spouse each day?
There are three things you can do to make time for your spouse despite being too busy. Even if you are a ten on the busy scale, there is a way to make time for your spouse if you decide to do it and take action to get that time back!
Busy people, struggling marriages
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Are you any of these busy people?
- Are you a stay-at-home spouse and it is your job to keep track of all the outside of the home errands. You cook, clean, and take care of the kids too. It keeps you busy.
- Are you the spouse who is going into work early and coming home late at night. Your work takes up a lot of your day.
- Do you spend a lot of time doing volunteer work in your church or another area that you feel called to make a difference? This work on top of your other responsibilities makes free time nonexistent.
- Are you the parent taking your kids here, there, and everywhere, from school to after-school activities to sports on the weekends. So much to do!
There’s nothing wrong with any of this, but… PRIORITIES!
Just keeping up with all the logistics of family life can leave us drained.
Remember, though, that your marriage is part of the family life. In fact, it’s the most crucial part of the family’s life! Without a strong connection between the parents, the kids will suffer, even if you are the super mom or dad who is so on top of things that you never let the lunch money account run out or you accidentally let your kid eat the dog’s food.
You Can Make the Time
One of Marriage Confetti’s seven mindsets for marriage success is setting correct priorities. These priorities are, in this order, God, spouse, kids, everything else.
When you determine that you are going to put your spouse above all else, but Jesus Himself, it gives your spouse a sense of stability and importance.
A spouse who comes to believe that their marriage is stable and that they are cared for by the one they married will quickly become more invested in the relationship. And the more invested you and your spouse are in the marriage, the better it becomes.
When God created marriage, he did not create it to be simply an agreement between two people. It’s not even a commitment. It’s more than that.
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
You become one person. That’s a relationship that is to last forever because ripping it apart can be painful. God doesn’t want his children to be in pain.
How to Get More Time to Reconnect
Ok, so how do you fix it? How can you start prioritizing time with your spouse and keeping your marriage connected and healthy? Here are a few ideas to get you started.
Control your schedule
You have to control your schedule. Don’t let your schedule control you. When you make your to-do list for the day, write “Meet with God” and “Meet with my spouse” on the top. You need time for both of those things in your day to create a strong marriage relationship.
Then list all the other things you need to do. Be realistic in looking at what you absolutely need to do each today, and which tasks you would just “like” to accomplish. Check out that to-do list and eliminate things. What is not mandatory for today, cross it out.
Think realistically about how long each item should take. Getting an idea of how much time you have to allot for each task will help you decide what you can accomplish and still have time to meet with God and with your spouse.
Eliminate wasted time
We are so good at wasting time. Things like cell phones, social media, online games, and watching television or movies take a lot of our spare time. There’s nothing wrong with these activities, but when you are feeling distant from your spouse, that’s an excellent opportunity to reassess just how much time you are spending involved with them instead of your spouse.
So take your phones, put them on silent, and hide them for an evening after the kids are in bed. It doesn’t even have to be the whole night. Just 20 minutes each day to be alone to talk, play a game, cuddle, or whatever you need to do that connects the two of you can make all the difference.
Workaround unavoidable distractions
Life is full of activities that keep us busy, some are fun, and some are, well, not so fun. You can turn those mundane activities into a time where you can connect with your spouse.
We all have to clean, grocery shop, and take the kids places. But you can be a wise steward of your time by opting to do more of these things together instead of alone.
Go grocery shopping together. You’ll have the time in the car to chat. If you clean the house together, you’ll have more time to connect later because you have divided and conquered.
If you have to drop the kids off at eleven different places one evening, go together. Then steal away for a cup of coffee while you’re waiting for the next kid to need mom and dad’s taxi.
The more you do together, the closer you will feel.
The Next Step
So, hopefully, you have taken some ideas away from today’s post that will help you to know who that is walking through your kitchen. And not just who they are, but also what is going on in their lives and their feelings about those things.
So if you are feeling disconnected from your spouse today, for whatever reason, remember to purposely set aside the time spend time to together and allow for more quality, intimate encounters.
Which one of those three ways will you start eliminating the “I don’t have time” excuse for not connecting with your spouse on a regular basis? Let me know in the comments!
Next week, we’ll continue on the topic of reconnecting with your spouse when we talk about how to make it happen when you have kids who demand all of your attention.
If you don’t know me yet, I’m Tracey, and I started Marriage Confetti to give you a biblical foundation on marriage and provide you with actionable steps that will help you change the way you think about being married and create a marriage that is worth celebrating. If you are frustrated with your marriage, this is the place to be.