Are you allowing your mind to run a continuing negative narrative about your marriage or your spouse? Letting these types of thoughts take hold gives the devil a grip on your marriage mindset. Since he wants nothing more than to destroy your marriage, every married person needs to find a way to eliminate his stronghold on our mindsets about our marriages. We don’t want him to be in charge!
Your path to a better marriage begins between your ears. What you think will be a reality, whether it’s positive or negative.
Our minds and God
I am a big believer in the connection between science and faith. They are not exclusive. More and more science is confirming the Bible. Scientific research has consistently shown that people who focus on the positive have a better outlook on life and are more successful.
I think sometimes Christians get worried when we see all the self-help information out there. Most of it makes you believe that you have control over what will happen based on your thoughts.
The difference between that and what I believe is that I maintain that we don’t improve ourselves. We can’t do it on our own. A real improvement from positive thinking only comes from our trust in God to do these things in our lives.
Verses about mindset
The Bible often speaks about the power of the mind and our thoughts.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 (ESV)
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 (ESV)
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)
These verses demonstrate that God thinks it’s necessary for us to think about the good that He has given us. These thoughts have good results for our lives, like discerning the will of God and having the peace that only He can provide.
Marriage is not easy. But, we can make it easier by saturating our minds with the truth about who we are, what marriage is all about, and the plan God has for us to prosper.
A Successful Marriage Mindset
We need to consider three types of mindsets, or ways we view life, to make marriage all God intended it to be.
First, we need to look at the positives about life in general and understand that God is working all things together for our good, not our harm. We need to remind ourselves of the goodness of his plan for our lives daily. God does not want you to drag yourself through life just waiting for the end so that you can say things like, “God brought me through, but it was terrible.” He wants you to see the good in all that he has created for you, and this includes marriage.
A Biblical mindset reminds us that God created everything on this earth and He controls it all. Look at your marriage through the eyes of God. He created marriage for the benefit of the human race. It’s more than just that, however.
We also can make more of our relationship with God through marriage. Looking at your marriage through God’s eyes gives you a better understanding of the possibilities it has to make you more like Him.
The amount of effort and the attitude with which you approach your marriage together determine your outcome. For the best results, prioritize your marriage above all else but your relationship with God. Think of yourself as a part of a marriage, not a single entity.
We can combine these mindsets to create a biblical marriage mindset that leads to a marriage worth celebrating. But sometimes it is challenging to take change the negative thought patterns.
The mindsets we acquired over the years came from all different places and from every time of our lives. Many of these formed when we were children, and we had no control over our environment. But just because we were trapped in those situations years ago, does not mean we should let them control us to this day. With God’s help, we can eliminate the negativity in our marriages and lives.
The best thing is to saturate your mind with positive Biblical thoughts and scriptures. Whenever negative thoughts come, you can’t just force them out of your mind. You need to have something to replace them with.
So today, I want you to think about what destructive mindsets you may have about your marriage, and how you can replace them with positive, Biblical marriage mindsets.
A Positive, Biblical, Marriage Mindset
I have compiled a list of a wide variety of ideas of positive replacement mindsets you can adopt that will create a new environment in your mind for your marriage to thrive. Find a couple of these that speak most to you about changes you want to see in your marriage. Then make it a point to repeat them to yourself often throughout the day.
These ideas will help you build new mindsets for your attitude, your actions, and your marriage.
Do everything without grumbling or arguing. Philippians 2:14 (CEV)
Don’t be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves. Care about them as much as you care about yourselves. Philippians 2:3-4 (CEV)
Your attitude about your marriage is everything. You can only control what you, not your spouse, think, say, and do. Since your thoughts will come out in your words and actions, this is a good place for you to start.
Tell yourself that you
- enjoy the things in your marriage that make you happy.
- appreciate your spouse for everything he/she does for your marriage.
- are willing to apologize first.
- support your spouse in their decisions.
- are loyal to your spouse.
- accept your spouse as they are, not who you want them to be.
- focus on the positive in your marriage.
- love your spouse unconditionally.
- forgive your spouse every day.
- think of your spouse as your best friend.
- believe your marriage will be successful.
- accept that your spouse and you are different.
- consider your spouse a huge blessing in your life.
- will show your spouse compassion when they make mistakes.
- keep a sense of humor about the small stuff.
- want to contribute to your spouse’s happiness.
- are a loving, supportive spouse.
- are deeply in love with your spouse.
- put your spouse’s needs ahead of my own.
Do what God’s teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves. James 1:22 (NCV)
By helping each other with your troubles, you truly obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 (NCV)
Once you have your mind under control, it is easier to act and react in a positive, biblical way to the things that come along in your marriage. Until then, you may need to fake it until you make it. God’s word will overcome the negativity.
Every day, I
- decide to love my spouse.
- will listen carefully to my spouse before I speak.
- do something to make my relationship with my spouse stronger.
- will try to learn more about my spouse.
- keep the lines of communication open.
- ask myself how I can show more love to my spouse.
- watch my tongue when I am angry.
- find ways to keep my marriage exciting.
- create passionate moments in my marriage.
- tell my spouse I love them.
Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage. Hebrews 13:4 (CEV)
So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body. Genesis 2:24 (NCV)
God’s plan for marriage is incredible. God perfectly designs it, but the world often distorts it. Here are some things you should remind yourself about this relationship covenant you have entered into.
- My spouse and I are stronger together.
- I give my spouse space to become the person God made them.
- We laugh together regularly.
- Together there is nothing we cannot overcome.
- We support each other to follow their dreams.
- My marriage is a gift from God.
- We spend quality time together.
- We bring out the best in each other.
- My marriage is built on love, trust, and respect.
- Our marriage is built on God’s Word.
- Every day my marriage is improving.
The Costs of a Destructive Marriage Mindset
When you do not take back control of your thoughts from the devil, your marriage will begin to erode away slowly until there is nothing left. Perhaps it will lead to divorce, or maybe it will just become an “invisible divorce” where you and your spouse are only together because you have to be. I don’t want that for you, and God doesn’t either. It’s no way to live.
Remember this verse at all times when thinking about your marriage. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NCV)
Need more help with your marriage mindset?
Are you having trouble eliminating negativity from your thoughts about your marriage mindset? Are you afraid that you will end up at a point of no return someday, and won’t be able to get back to what you know God wants for you?
Sometimes, having someone available who has been there before can help you make strides in developing a more positive, Biblical marriage mindset.
We’d love to help you build a marriage that you want to celebrate! Fill out the contact form below and let us know where your struggles are and we’ll chat with you about it and give you some solutions.