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Does your spouse trust you? Do you trust them? Building trust in your marriage has an essential part in marital success, but it is not always easy to build.
The dictionary defines trust as the “reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.”Trust in a marriage takes a long time to build and only seconds to destroy. It is like a city built on a fault line of trust. Everything can seem perfect and stable one minute, but after the earthquake strikes, everything can be in ruins in under a minute. This scenario is a genuine possibility in any marriage at any time.
I’m not only talking about infidelity. We break trust in many different ways like by using the words we speak to our spouse as a weapon, lying about important issues, and putting other people ahead of them.
The bible says in Luke 6:31
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
So, if you want to be trusted, you need to be trusting.
Establishing trust between spouses is definitely a leap of faith. We’ve all been let down and disappointed by others, so we tend to keep our guards up, even to the one we should be the closest to.
When you take a leap of faith and start showing your spouse that you trust them, it makes it easier for them to feel they can trust you too. As with any mindset shift, developing the deepest kind of trust in your marriage takes time, so don’t get frustrated if you don’t feel it right away. Just lead by example.
Here are four things you can do today to show you trust your spouse.
Tip #1 Keep your commitment to your marriage.
Show your spouse that you have the mindset that your marriage will last forever and that you will do what is needed to make that happen. This vow was the most significant promise you have ever made, and your spouse needs to know that you are still serious about it. It doesn’t matter if the promise is 20 years old or 2 weeks old.
The first thing to do or rather, not do, to show your commitment is: Don’t threaten to leave! Don’t threaten your spouse with anything, but especially not divorce. Because as soon as that word comes out of your mouth, your spouse immediately feels insecure because you have shown that you are willing to break the biggest promise you ever made to them — the promise to stay for better or worse.
Being willing to try and solve your problems instead of running away is the sign of a trustworthy person.
Tip #2 Tell the truth
To show yourself trustworthy, first of all, just tell the truth, no matter how hard or awkward it may be. The facts always come out, one way or another. Remind yourself of this when you are tempted to lie. Like Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”
Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22
Here are some other tips that you should keep in mind when it comes to honesty.
- Eliminate ambiguity from your habits. Ambiguity is the enemy of trust in your marriage. Uncertainty and mystery can lead your spouse to distrust whatever you say because it leaves room for deception.
- Don’t cover up bad news. It will come out eventually, and probably will be magnified by the time it does.
- Don’t lie by omission. We like to tell ourselves that this is not really lying, but any time you keep the truth from someone, it’s a lie. And lies destroy marriages. Even little ones can come back to bite you.
Tip #3 Apologize
When you realize that you have made a mistake, apologize. If you were untrusting of your spouse and then realized you had no reason to be, apologize to them for jumping to conclusions and not trusting them. It’s best for you just to own your mistake and not try to make excuses for it. You could say, “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I see that I was wrong, and I’m trying to do better by trusting you more.” Then ask how you can make it up to them.
The bible says a lot about forgiveness. James 5:16 says:
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
I like what Ben Franklin had to say about apologizing.
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” -Ben Franklin
Take responsibility for your actions.
Tip #4 Put your spouse first.
Another thing to do to prove to your spouse that you can be trusted is to put their needs and the needs of your marriage ahead of everyone else except God. When you do that, it shows your dedication to the marriage, and it makes it easier for them to trust you.
The Bible talks about prioritizing your spouse in Genesis 2:24 when it says,
So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.
When we are one with our spouse, we are to care for them as we care for our own bodies. Ephesians 5:29 says:
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, Your spouse is a part of you. Care for them as Jesus cares for you.
Set the Tone for Trust in your Marriage
So, now if trust is an issue, it’s up to you to set the tone in your marriage. It’s up to you to say, hey I want to have better trust in this relationship, and I’m going to start by changing my mindset and my actions and making myself more trustworthy.
Set the tone by doing the things you wish they would do to improve the trust in your marriage.
Let them have access to your phone. Yes. Give your spouse the password so they know they can look anytime. Don’t demand it from them at this point. It’s not about their behavior right now. It’s about yours.
Don’t be late arriving home without letting them know. That gives them a chance to make up stories in their head about where you might be. Keep them informed of where you are.
Sever relationships with opposite-sex friends. A lot of mistrust in marriages comes from this situation. Your marriage is more important than friendship.
It isn’t easy to rebuild trust, but you can do it. It’s also a good idea to try these actions no matter what state your marriage is in. It will help you avoid the destruction of distrust later on.
Take the Challenge
Are these trust issues making marriage difficult? If you recognize that some of your conflicts come from a lack of trust, or if any other problems cause frequent conflict, you want to try our upcoming challenge. My 5-Day Positive marriage challenge will challenge you to make some fundamental mindset shifts that will create more confidence that your marriage can make it for the long haul.
The success of your marriage is all in your head! It is directly affected by your beliefs and thoughts about the relationship. And if you join the challenge, that’s your first step toward making positive changes.
Each day for five days I will send you a challenge that will help you create a more positive mindset. You’ll also get a journal to record your thoughts and a private Facebook group where I’ll share even more insight.
To see what else the challenge can do for you, click here to register. I’m excited to meet you!