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“Til death do you part?” Do you believe in the permanence of your marriage? What keeps a marriage strong enough to last that long? One thing that will keep you believing that your marriage will last forever is trust.
Are you sure that you can believe in your spouse completely? That high level of trust is essential. It helps you keep your positive mindset about your relationship. It’s crucial, but it isn’t always easy.
What is trust?
The definition of trust is
a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
As it relates to a marriage relationship, it means that you have an unwavering belief that your partner is reliable and truthful, helping you create a healthy marriage. Trust should be a result of your commitment, and because you are committed, you can have trust.
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The old testament word for trust is “batach.” it means careless. Not careless like irresponsible, but unguarded. Without worry. A marriage full of batach is one where two people can be totally themselves and still be confident that their marriage is secure.
How does trust improve your marriage?
Trust is one of the best things about being married. When you know that someone believes in you and that you are loved and accepted exactly the way you are it can be life-changing. When your spouse gives themselves over to you completely, they don’t feel like they run the risk of being ridiculed. They sincerely believe that you will follow through on your commitment, and will not turn against you and cheat on you.
Banking on each other gives couples the chance to share thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly. The belief that your partner will support you no matter what creates a strong bond.
Actions you can take
So what can you do today to begin improving the trust level in your marriage so you can make it last forever?
First, check in with your spouse on a regular basis. Ask them if anything you say or do causes them to feel like they are not accepted. Ask if any of your actions make them suspicious of you in any way? Are there areas in your life that you can improve that will help them to trust you even more?
Create boundaries that will demonstrate your trustworthiness to the other. These boundaries are especially important if there has been a breach of trust or infidelity in the past. Agree about what constitutes cheating. You may be surprised by the other person’s definition.
Promise that you will not to do anything that even gives the appearance that you may be untrustworthy. Much of our society mocks Vice-President Mike Pence for announcing that he will not go anywhere alone with a woman who is not his wife, nor will he go anywhere where alcohol is being served without her by his side. He made these commitments because he wants his wife to trust him. It’s a pretty good rule, as far as I’m concerned.
If there are things you do that cause your spouse’s trust in you to waver, stop doing them. Nothing besides your relationship with Christ is more important than your marriage.
Communicate with complete truthfulness and transparency. STOP the lies, even the “little white” ones. Don’t overstate or exaggerate the facts of any situation. Start by being transparent and completely honest with your spouse.
Commit to being truthful and honest with each other at all times, even when it is difficult. Maybe especially then. Admit your mistakes and create a plan to make up for them.
Have a prayer partner agree with you as you work to improve the trust level in your marriage.
What the Bible says
Trust in a marriage takes time to build, but it can be destroyed in a moment. It is never too late to start over again, though. Keep these verses in mind as you build that trust relationship, whether it’s for a brand new marriage or if you are trying to rebuild trust in a marriage that is lacking it.
- Proverbs 31:11–The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
- 1 Corinthians 13:7–Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
- 1 Peter 4:8–Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Father, thank you for our marriage. We pray today that you will compel us to be trustworthy and give each other no reason to doubt. Help us to be transparent and honest when we discuss issues. May we not give the appearance of any improper behavior to keep the trust of one another.
If you are struggling to trust your spouse again after a betrayal, I’d recommend that you take a look at this book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration by Cindy Beall. Her powerful story and suggestions of how to survive adultery will inspire and encourage you.
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By Benson Kua from Toronto, Canada (Danger Do Not Cross Barrier…Uploaded by tm) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons